LATEST ENTRY

TRUST | Noah Brier

It's All About Trust

Ever wonder why we trust people?

December 21, 2006 | RSS | EMAIL | PRINT | 8 COMMENTS

A few months ago I let Noah crash at my apartment. It was the second time we'd met in person and I allowed him to sleep on my couch for a week.

Strangely enough I wasn't bothered by this. Actually, I was more bothered by the fact that I wasn't bothered at all (sorry to get all meta ya'). I found it incredibly odd that I was totally cool with this stranger staying in my home. I kept asking myself why I trusted him.

The more I thought about it, the more his website came up. Noah's homepage has his cellphone number. He writes about his mom and dad. He exposes how many RSS readers he has to the world. That's some serious controlled exposure (or radical transparency if you prefer Chris Anderson's naming schema).

After cataloging all these things I realized that I was allowing him to use his reputation as a form of collateral in our trust exchange. By combining Okdork.com with the fact that we traveled in similar circles and have shared acquaintances, I was willing to give him my trust. I guess I felt like someone wouldn't risk an, albeit micro, empire to do something bad to me.

And I turned out completely correct.

So looking back, what were the big lessons of this experience? (And I'm sure my buddies at trustmojo would have much more to say.)

  1. Reputation, reputation, reputation. As my friend Ryan Anderson said, "You only have one reputation, and it’s yours to ruin." While the value of reputation may be indirect, there's no question it's there (just ask the thousands of bloggers who are profiting off it) and if you lose it you're screwed. In some way, I felt like Noah was putting that reputation on the line by staying with me.
  2. Transparency breeds trust. When someone puts themselves out there for the world to see they're vulnerable. They're saying I'm willing to leave myself open to wounds in order to reap the benefits. Vulnerability is another form of collateral. Putting your cell phone on your website is pretty damn transparent.
  3. Go with your gut. Not to get all Gladwellian on your asses, but a big part of trust is built on instincts. When you first meet someone you probably either trust them or you don't. Now they can change that impression, but it's pretty damn difficult. Letting him stay at my apartment seemed like the right thing to do.

I'm sure there are more, but it's getting late and I'm tired. I also hoped to get to how this relates to brands, but I'm going to have to put that off to another day. Unless you all want to help . . .

Update (12/21/06): Thinking about it again this morning, the most interesting part of this for me is the trust process. Transparency helps build reputation which can be used as colatteral in a trust exchange. This is possible because reputation has real value and can be used in lieu of things like diamonds or money. Not that I wouldn't have accepted either of those.

PREVIOUS ENTRY | NEXT ENTRY

LEAVE A COMMENT

First name, first and last, whatever you feel like.

Required, but not displayed (so don't worry about spam).

If you've got one, flaunt it.

You can use some HTML (a's, br's, p's, oh my!) if you'd like, if you don't know what that means, don't worry about it.
REMEMBER ME?

COMMENTS

1noah kagan

I won't say that is a great post just because it is about me but it really is!

It was strange how comfortable it was for both of us to just have me come over and stay at your place. You even gave me a key to the place which was quite nice.

I definitely think since we chatted through comments, some AIM and have a lot of mutual friends, made it much more likely that I am trustworthy.

I would let you stay over at my place but my mom barely let's me stay here;)

December 21, 2006

2CK

"I found it incredibly odd that I was totally cool with this stranger staying in my home. I kept asking myself why I trusted him."

Did you really consider him a stranger? I mean, you held a party with him (I was there and thanks so much for holding it , 'twas fun :-). Through my biz travels, I have met bloggers whom I correspond with who live in NY, SFrisco, Dallas, GA, MO and I think one more state this year...and I've yet to find that any of these great people are anything other than what they portray. Through our blogs we all chat business, ethics, ideas and, yeah, some humor. So sure, we get to know one another and a lot about each other.

I guess my point is while I don't consider them to be "best friends" when we do meetup, I do consider them friends and colleagues, definitely not strangers.

But I'd have to think about having them crash at my place--so I think it's great that you invited him to crash with you. You're a nice guy like that. I know...cuz I've met ya ;-).

December 21, 2006

3Noah Brier

CK, you're right, I didn't consider him a stranger. Actually I edited that sentence a few times and originally I had 'relative' stranger. But again, I guess the lesson here is that regular labels don't necessarily apply in the blog world.

December 21, 2006

4CK

Agreed--at least I can agree the labels don't apply in our slice of the 'sphere. I actually can't talk to other communities but I would think most are the same. Especially ones that evolve around business, art, politics, even maybe topics like parenting and such. I guess anywhere that people engage in convos, idea exchanges, advice/counsel and debates.

I do like how you say that the labels don't apply. When I try to explain to my 'offline' (sorry for the label) friends about fellow bloggers, and how I've met so many though biz travel, they think I'm, well, losing it. Not that they could possibly understand the colleagues and friends are real since they don't blog--but they go right to "uh, OK CK, that's just weird. These are computer friends?".

Hard as it is, I try to explain that they're not "computer friends," but friends that I mainly communicate with via the computer. Especially given all the great advice and thinking that I've been given. I've even avoided a lousy business program a time or two because of advice from friends here in the 'sphere. So that's definitely an act of kindnes...and friend worthy.

You wanna know what's really wild? In 10 years, or even with the current/youngest generation, people won't even think about labels because there won't have existed a time in their lives when this commuication channnel wasn't "normal".

December 22, 2006

5jeff

you know i love your website but c'mon. this is about a thousand words to say, "i let a dude sleep at my place because he didn't seem like a fucking psycho."

December 22, 2006

6debbie

really, really interesting article. thanks, noah.

December 22, 2006

7Noah Brier

CK, I really like this line: "Hard as it is, I try to explain that they're not 'computer friends,' but friends that I mainly communicate with via the computer." That's exactly it, these are still real people at the other end. I mean, just think about how many business/vendor relationships exist without ever meeting the other person. I wonder if you're right about the future and losing the 'normal' relationship label. If the competition is always between 'the computer' and 'real life' will the computer ever win? I guess what I mean is we're not talking apples to apples here . . .

Jeff, yes.

Debbie, my pleasure, glad you enjoyed.

December 22, 2006

8Peter Caputa

I remember meeting Greg Narain for the first time in person. He was the first blogger from out of State that I met, but had computer-mediated-bonded before meeting. I gave him a hug. It was kind of natural, like seeing a friend I hadn't seen for awhile.

I remember you offering your couch to crash to me too. Although I thought you were hitting on me at the time, I now accept the compliment.

Just kidding. I knew you weren't hitting on me. Although, there is a little something kinky about two Noah's sleeping under the same roof.

All joking aside, this is perceptive. Someone asked me the other day how I knew Auren Hoffman and I said that I met him through blogging. Given the context of the conversation I was having with this person, it was obvious to him that Auren and I trust and admire each other. The person on the other end was amazed that we never met face to face.

December 22, 2006