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The 'Yes, and . . .' Rule

What saying yes instead of no can do for you.

December 12, 2006 | RSS | EMAIL | PRINT | 9 COMMENTS

In improv comedy there's a rule called 'Yes, and . . . '. Basically, anytime anyone says anything you reply by building saying yes.

"Is that a cobra stuck in your teeth?"
"Yes, and blah blah blah blah blah . . ." (I couldn't come up with anything clever.)

You get the point. What that does is continue the energy and flow of the sketch. A 'no' is like derailing a train: Everything you've worked for up to that moment needs to change immediately.

In brainstorms the same rules apply. Even if you think someone's idea is terrible you say yes and build off it rather than shoot it down. That's because big ideas don't hatch, they grow. That small and seemingly ridiculous idea can often grow into something amazing. In a brainstorm every idea gets its time.

It wasn't until recently, however, that I started to realize 'Yes, and . . .' applies almost everywhere.

A few weeks ago I was at Russel's NYC coffee morning and someone sat down for a few minutes who I didn't know. He was only in New York for one more day and asked what he should do. I jumped in to suggest walking across the Brooklyn Bridge, which I think is one of the most amazing experiences NYC has to offer. His immediate response was "no, I'd rather take a cab." BAM! Conversation over.

Now I totally respect that answer, and actually agree in most circumstances. What stood out for me most, though, was how obviously conversation-ending that comment was. A "interesting, but . . . " or "that sounds cool, how about . . ." would have allowed talk to continue. However, at that moment the only other option was to change topics or offer up more free and friendly suggestions with the knowledge that they might be blatantly shot down.

Since then every time someone's come to me with an idea I've tried to build on it instead of shooting it down. It's not like I don't critique things, but I try to do it with a yes instead of a no.

It keeps people disarmed and a little happier. Aint nothing wrong with that.


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COMMENTS

1Paul McEnany

So, just out of curiosity, how do you generally structure your brainstorming sessions?

December 13, 2006

2El Gaffney

It's directly linked to your previous post, creating an innovative environment. Yes makes people comfortable bringing their ideas to the table, it builds relationships (likability), lifts the general mood, and (not to get too zen) creates positive energy and thinking. Denzil Meyers (widgetwonder.com) has some great exercises and thoughts about how to make the most of collaboration (improv is central).

December 13, 2006

3Noah Brier

Paul, don't totally understand, what do you mean by structure?

El Gaffney, I hadn't put the two together, but that's a really interesting idea. I think you're right. I'm going to need to give that some more thought.

December 13, 2006

4David Berkowitz

Have you read Edward de Bono's Six Thinking Hats? This gets to the heart of yellow-hat thinking. It's a quick, great read that might inspire you if you haven't picked it up yet.

December 13, 2006

5liz

I've found that using 'and' to create and stimulate conversations, ideas and strategies is very useful.

when people use 'either/or' or 'but' I ask them to reframe the sentence using 'and'. This helps people (as Noah has already said) expand and explore new possibilities.

when people here 'but', they hear a kind of negative (e.g. love the idea but ...). If you use 'and' (e.g. I love the idea and how about we explore it from the clients perspective...) you can still critique 'and' it's more collaborative.

even more interesting is when you use 'and' to transform 'either/or'. I'm not terribly fond of dualities as they don't really show complexity. e.g. I'm either creative or good with figures; You're either a city or a country person. By introducing 'and' you begin to multiply the opportunities and options - what if you were creative and good with figures and were a city and country person. Seems to me that 'either/or' creates disconnections while 'and' provides at least the potential for connections.

December 13, 2006

6Noah Brier

David, haven't read it, though someone (I think you) recommended it. It's on my Amazon.com wishlist, so at some point in the not-too-distant future I'm sure I'll purchase it.

Liz, I think you make some great points. I hadn't thought about 'and' in the larger context. One of my topics of interest lately have been intersections/contradictions. And is where a lot of good stuff happens. Actually, in a comment a while back, David Armano of Logic + Emotion wrote "They [sic] Holy Grail of anything is at the interesection. That is where it gets interesting."

December 13, 2006

7Elizabeth Pastor

I totally agree with this Noah... AND has an inclusion opening effect and BUT has a closing effect. Another interesting way to extend and grow the conversation is to follow up with someone's comment with a "Let me build on your idea, and...". Of course this is used specifically when we are agreeing and want to extend the conversation, but it is a way to give credit and positive reinforcement to others (which is always nice!) and which makes them want to give out more ideas!

We actually teach related things in our WorkshopONE which focuses on learning how to work in multi-disciplinary skills. In the workshop beginning we focus on UNLEARNING old habits and at the basic behavioral level we discuss the separation of Divergence and Convergence, through Deferral of Judgement.

In simple terms, this means that when you ask people to come up with ideas (Diverge), you should not immediately critique it (Converge), but wait (Deferring Judgement) to let the idea grow. Although you may not like some things about the idea, there might be other things about it that are good which you would not get to if you kill it! We call Killer Phrases all those critical remarks spoken when someone is offering up ideas. It's all about orchestration... Let's all Diverge together and focus on getting as many ideas as possible without worrying about the quality. Then, let's Convergence together by collecting all the ideas and setting a criteria to choose the best ideas.

Well, this all sounds simple when explained... but applying it is harder and takes some practice!

December 17, 2006

8range

We got some pretty interesting comments right here.

I rarely spend any time analyzing discussion techniques.

Maybe the person in the coffee shop didn't really care to sweat on his one day vacation, thre must have been loads of different reasons why it didn't appeal to him.

It is easy to end discussions but to start them is harder, especially if you do not know the person with whom you are talking.

This whole thread of opinions reminds of the old Greek philosopher's ways of verbal sparring.

December 20, 2006

9Charles Frith

next time I'm in NY I'm going to walk across that bridge. thanks :)

December 22, 2006